good thing there's alcohol

i've been drinking away the pain.

since ten p.m. heheeeeh.. but my mind's never been clearer. how could i have been that stupid?
but i don't regret any of it. i'm glad sheknows. i'm just sorry she hates me for it. and for making her feel betrayed.. it was not my intention.

i feel like i'm drowning.

"ate, bakit ka umiiyak?" (that's my baby sister - 7 and a half hours ago)
"wala baby, tanga lang kasi si ate...may nagawa si ate kaya nagalit sakin yung friend ko...) (that was sober me)
"ate, wag ka na umiyak...hindi mo naman sinasadya eh..."
still sobbing...
"ate, wag mo na lang kaya pansinin yung friend mo."

nyahaha. that won't be a problem. she will definitely make sure that will happen.

but i refuse to be treated like the rest. i will give her time. i want her to tell me that she never wants to see my face again and to tell me that she feels awkward and that she feels disgusted. forget civilities. if she hates me, she should say it and not ignore me...